Society as a whole hasn't figured out these problems, so it's not surprising that Arisia isn't sure how to handle them, either. It sounds as if there's some good thinking going on; people are being thoughtful, concerned, and considerate, and that's really all that we can expect of you.

Now that I'm sixty years old, I've lived through lots of change, and I've seen the "right" words for things change over and over again. I've seen what's "obviously" the correct behavior change from one thing to another. I don't want to say that older people should be given a free pass to talk shit or to fail to live up to current norms. I do want to say that older people may transgress through ignorance rather than malice, and I'd want education to be the first step for anyone who seems to be confused rather than mean-spirited. (I'm not talking about Mr. Kimmel here, just thinking about older folks in general.)