"I Don't Know Where the Bathroom Is", a trustory

whipchick wrote a lovely vignette that she didn't title, but that starts with that phrase. This is not her piece, but I was inspired to write it down because of her piece. This is a trustory(*).

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This is a story about two long-ago friends of mine, whom I shall call Eric and Kim, because those were their names. At the time I knew them they were both free-carousing young men. We began the night in question by having a couple drinks, after which I was tired and headed home.

Kim and Eric were not tired and were... what is the right term here... chemically fueled. They continued to wander Sixth Street (in Austin) and visit various clubs and bars. Eventually, even the late-night establishments closed and they were set to contemplate heading home.

Fortunately, they were sensible young men and realized they were in no shape to drive, but never fear Eric said, my house is nearby and so the two of them stumbled their way to Eric's place and in, blessing Austin's level-ground design, for stairs would surely have been a challenge. Eric gave Kim sheets and a pillow so he could sack out on the couch, and crawled off to his own bed.

Some few hours later, in the very darkest part of the night, Kim woke up with *that* feeling. If you've never drunk too much, nor been a certain kind of ill, the phrase "sick to your stomach" might not adequately describe it but suffice it to say Kim was not a novice and knew for sure what that feeling meant. Except, he did not know where the bathroom was.

What he knew of the house was the small patch of living room in which he lay and the path from the front door to his current spot. So he did what any considerate houseguest would have done and evacuated the premises before he... well, evacuated himself.

And that is why, gentle reader, Eric felt able to settle any future disagreement between the two of them by stating emphatically, "Yeah, man, but you yarked in my yard!"

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(*) I have long been aware of how fragile memories are, and how easily they can be wrong. When I say something is a "true story" I mean it represents the truth as best I can verify it. A trustory is something that I represent as actually having happened because that's the way it was told me. You are encouraged to assign your own truth values to such things.