drwex | What are words for? (Reply)

Words this time from coraline

fatherhood. I once lost a job opportunity because I answered "fatherhood" in an interview. They asked some question or other about what my greatest challenge I'd ever faced was and foolishly I answered honestly. Fatherhood is WAY more challenging than anything else I've ever done, including getting a PhD at MIT. It's a wholly different way of life with no real vacations or time off. It's also a complete blast and by far the most amazing and wonderful thing I've ever done. I have SO much more amazement now at single parents because I know I could never do this without my partner. I'm also even more convinced that people who do not want to be parents SHOULD NOT BE PARENTS. People who say "oh you'll love it once the kid is born" should be bitch-slapped. Maybe people will, maybe they won't. I went into fatherhood with a great deal of deliberation and planning (shocking, I know) and the only regret I've consistently had is that I regret not having been in a position to do this ten years earlier, when I had more energy.

hair. When I was very young I wanted to experiment with my hair - nothing radical, just growing it long. My mother forbade it with the immortal "not while you live under my roof" dictum. I started growing it long the moment I moved out and it hasn't been short since. I will probably cut it short for my mother's funeral which, sadly, doesn't seem that far off. I'm unclear on what I'll do after that. I've also always had a major fetish for long hair. Brushing hair can be a very sexual act and long hair means more brushing. I'm less absolutist about it than I used to be, but what I like is what I like.

Judaism. I identify strongly with the culture of Judaism, even though I'm presently pretty agnostic in a religious sense. I was raised conservative Jewish, but after walking out of two synagogues in two years (yes, that's another story I'll tell if people really want) I haven't been back to one regularly in some time. The two things that appeal to me about Jewish cultural are the rituals and the ethics. I find American culture to be sorely lacking in important tribal rituals. We have no ceremonies for "Now I am part of the tribe" or "Now I have This Name" or "Now I'm an adult" - and we're pretty weak on "Now I'm married" too. Judaism has those rituals and participation in them marks you as a member of the tribe. Jewish ethics also has a lot to appeal to me. I don't like the way our culture blurs things into "Judeo-Christian"; that has always seemed like a cop-out on the part of goyim who want to think they're inclusive but who don't understand what it means or how Judaism differs in crucial ways from Christianity.

Since this is my LJ I get to rant just a bit. Let's take the so-called Golden Rule. If you asked most Christians you'd get the response that Jews have this rule too: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Well, they're WRONG. Really, importantly wrong. The Jewish version is "Do not do unto others that which is hateful to you." It's a prohibition - an injunction to Jews to stop them doing certain things. Christians take their golden rule to be a license to go out and DO things, without stopping to consider whether the recipient likes it or wants it. Like proselytize, or worse, in an effort to save other people as they would want themselves to be saved. The fact that my first girlfriend and I split up over just this issue is not coincidental (yes, another story).

anger. I have a mixed bag of associations with this. I've always had anger-management problems. I go through phases of being better and worse about this. I'm 99% certain a lot of that is due to certain aspects of my childhood but what I do about it is my choice. I've tried various techniques for anger management. None was as good as Aikido, and I miss doing the art. My anger comes in two types: I have flares, things that spark up and expel themselves. I yell or otherwise externally demonstrate my anger (no, I don't hit, unless I'm hit first) and then things subside. I don't generally hold onto anger. I can, on rare occasions, be provoked to the point where I stay angry. That anger stays inside of me until I can enact revenge or otherwise satiate it. That's not a pretty thing, and it's only happened a few times in my life. It helps that I forgive easily. I don't forget, but a real statement of the "I'm sorry I messed up and I'll try not to let it happen again" pretty much negates any anger I tend to feel.

gaming: Desert_born got this one first. It's funny to me that of all the words in the world I get associated with this one. I really do like games and gaming, so I guess it's fitting. It's just not something I discuss all that much, and I don't go to gaming conventions anymore. Heck, I rarely even glance in the gaming rooms at cons I do go to, though I had fun listening to an explanation of Blood Bowl at the most recent Arisia.