Coming to this late, but I wanted to say that I don't think what I take you to be saying ("What you say or how you say it effects how others hear it and react") is tone policing. I have not so far seen you say 'You *should* have said things differently', only 'The way you chose to say that had a foreseeable outcome.' Those who have been harmed should be free to speak about that harm in any way they choose, but they must also accept that others will react to what is said. To insist that those who hear them must not be upset by what they're saying or how they're saying it, or must not express their hurt, anger, or fear, is completely divorced from reality and is denying the hearer's right to their own feelings.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-07-22 04:59 am (UTC)Those who have been harmed should be free to speak about that harm in any way they choose, but they must also accept that others will react to what is said. To insist that those who hear them must not be upset by what they're saying or how they're saying it, or must not express their hurt, anger, or fear, is completely divorced from reality and is denying the hearer's right to their own feelings.