Interesting advice otD

[drwex]

Some people say that to be happier we should not compare ourselves to others. There's always someone better, richer, more good-looking, more talented. Comparing to that is a way to misery for lots of folk.

By contrast, it's often healthy to compare ourselves to our past selves. Five years ago were you better off? Smarter? Had better relationships? Had more skills?

These are, it seems, more helpful comparisons to make, given that we're by nature going to compare ourselves anyway...

Comments

[corylea]

It's comparing myself to my past self that makes me unhappy. Of course, I'm partially disabled these days, but there will come a point in everyone's life when comparing oneself to one's past self will be a recipe for unhappiness. After about 70 or so, you can have a good life if you focus on what you DO have, but if you compare to what you had before half your friends died or before you acquired those aches and pains ... not a good idea.

For those of you who aren't disabled, self-comparison probably works up until 65 or so, unless you're an athlete or opera singer or dancer or some other thing that burns out young.

Where did this idea come from?

[c1]

Ten years ago this coming August, I got laid off from my best paying, best benefitted job. I was debt free, and had a bundle of cash saved for a down payment on a house. I'd spend years afterward trying to get back on my feet, and even today, I'm not even close to recovering. That bundle of cash has long since evaporated, I doubt I'll be debt free ever again, and I'm anticipating working well into my 70s, if not later. If I look back your suggested five years, that was about the point where I very literally gave up hope on ever finding meaningful work that paid well. (While it's true that I'm doing very meaningful work, I'm very underpaid.) If I contemplate where I'd be right now if I made different decisions regarding graduate school, I end up in the scary world of knowing I'd probably be getting a handle on my crippling, six figure student loan debt right now. See my above comment about working well into my 70s, because that's how long, by my current wage trajectory, that it'll take to get rid of that millstone.

Today, though, if I concentrate the lens on what I'm doing for work, I'm having a good time. Comparing myself with my coworkers motivates me to become a better provider for my patients in a very healthy way. I've lost weight, my BMI is fantastic, and last week, I ran a personal best time for a half marathon. And I anticipate being halfway to my goal of hiking the NH 4,000 footers within the next couple weeks, and finishing the list by summertime.

I'm with Corylea in looking forward, not backward. Indeed, usually, I'm better off thinking of other things entirely.

[gingicat]

This.

[drwex]

Interesting. Forty years ago I was quite athletic. Thirty I was somewhat so. These days I have physical problems that can leave me unable to stand upright for more than a few minutes at a time (happened just this past weekend so it's fresh in my mind). Of course I'd prefer not to have disabilities, and to have some of the youthful qualities I had then (stamina, anyone?). But that comparison isn't uppermost in my mind, even when I'm in mid-attack.

[gale_storm]

Yow. Yep, you're right on this, not that you needed convincing, but other folks might.

Every day, I compare myself with how I used to be before MS showed up and started munching my brain. Knowing that I shouldn't think about that doesn't deter me from doing it anyhow.

[corylea]

My disabilities are mostly cognitive, and it's possible that those disabilities are harder to adjust to. Or it could be that it's hardest to adjust to the loss of whatever you value most in yourself, and for me, that would be my mind. Or maybe you're just a more evolved human being than I am. :-)

[corylea]

I'm sorry you have that to deal with; chronic illnesses really suck! *hug*