drwex | Sep. 14th, 2018

The older we grow, the more peaceful we become. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on. So, just do your best right now to feel the peace that flows from your decision to rise above the petty drama that doesn’t really matter.

What kind of drama do you sometimes get caught up in? What can you do to rise above it?

Sigh. I'm not more peaceful, I'm just tired. I'm not more humble, I'm just more sparing with my allocations. Seriously, who writes this shit? When I grow old I shall wear purple (thank you Jenny Joseph) and hope to live long enough to be an embarrassment to my grandchildren. I look forward to days when I don't have to be at work 9-5 and can go sit in my legislators' offices and make a royal pain of myself.

I'm also leery of people who complain about "drama" or "petty drama". Who are you to judge what other people invest their emotional energy in? I am raising/have raised two teenagers and let me tell you there is no drama like teenager drama. I am reminded, as we are just a day after the gas explosions in MA, that "human error" is often blamed for these things but errors don't occur in a vacuum. There are situations and circumstances that surround and cause or encourage errors. Likewise, drama does not take place in a vacuum. People have histories of interactions, and learned responses, and experiences - or lack of same, especially if they're teenagers - that distort their judgment yardsticks.

I try not to consider myself "above" drama nor characterize it as "petty". I may not (again, often with teenagers) attach nearly the importance to things that others do. I may also draw boundaries because I don't have the emotional energy to engage with it. I've certainly done that recently with some drama related to a volunteer organization.

But that's my own choice, just like it's my choice to invest my emotional energy in things and ways that other people no doubt think is dramatic. So if I take the question to be "how are you maintaining healthy emotional boundaries?" then I can relate to that in what I hope is a less judgmental way.

In particular, I've been adamant since the last presidential election that I'd need to pick and choose my issues. I'm very invested in issues of trans (and generally LGBTQ+) health and safety. I'm invested in issues of asylum and refugees. Is my response to these crises dramatic? Yes. Is it hard to deprioritize other things I care about? Yes. Am I going to tell someone "it doesn't really matter?" No.

I hope people can understand that sentences like "it doesn't matter (that much) to me" is not intended as a put-down or a statement that their concerns are not important to them. It's a statement about how I'm working to run this trauma marathon and come out of it healthy and sane and as whole as I can.

And since we are in this particular season, let me add a note to say that if I've ever expressed this kind of sentiment to you and it hasn't been clear - if my words or actions or choices have been harmful - I apologize.