It's that time of year (asking forgiveness)

[drwex]

As is traditional for my people, I would like to take this moment to ask if I have offended or done wrong to any of you. If so, I am sorry and would like to make amends for that, if at all possible. If you'd like to tell me about it I've left this unlocked so anonymous commenting is possible. Off-LJ email or in person is also welcome.

Sadly I suspect that if I've truly offended someone they're probably not reading this and those who are already have told me what I've done wrong. But I think it's important to double-check and if there's something on your mind then I'm offering to listen. And even if it's not something you feel like telling me about, please accept my sincere apologies. I am sorry if I have done you wrong.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure it counts as a wrong, exactly...
But there are times when, while socializing, your need to Be Right trumps other social priorities, like empathy and consideration of others. It can come across as condescending in its milder forms, or downright mean-spirited in more extreme cases.

I think that such things are not due to you being a bad person (you're not), but the geek tendency to not quite understand the social dynamic, and thus can't quite express the right tone--so something intended to be clever instead comes across as smug, and in doing so, alienates people instead of having them think highly of you.

It's a difficult balance for anyone, and perhaps in this time of introspection, you could think about the way you relate to others--both your intent and how you think others think of you, and where you might want to change that, and how. You can't ask for my forgiveness, since these are not things you've done to me, but things I've seen you do with others.

And if none of this strikes a chord within you, or this is inappropriate to the spiritual occasion, you can also feel free to ignore it, and I wouldn't think less of you.

Thank you

[drwex]

I would not have asked for feedback if I didn't want it. Thank you for taking the time to write this up. If it happens that you observe me doing this again, please feel free to point it out to me on the spot.

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

A yearly occasion to apologize is such a good idea ... it's a pity everyone isn't Jewish. (Or at least, that everyone isn't the thoughtful, progressive kind; ultra-orthodox Jews seem to be exactly as crazy about exactly the same things as fundamentalist Christians and fundamentalist Muslims.)

Crazy is as crazy does

[drwex]

I think there are crazy fundamentalists of all stripes, but I think most - even the most fundamentalist - are probably not crazy.

Re: Crazy is as crazy does

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

I think there are crazy fundamentalists of all stripes,

I believe that's what I just said.

Fundamentalist Jews were a revelation to me, about fifteen years ago, because up until then I'd only met the non-fundy kind, and I'd been thinking of Judiasm as being saner than most religions. The "Oh, shit, they've got 'em, too" moment came when a friend at school told me about an episode during her trip to Israel, when she was told not to enter a certain place wearing shorts or she'd be stoned. *blink*

Kinda the reverse of the moment when I read Speaker for the Dead for the first time and was awed at how humane and understanding it was ... then found out that the author was a Mormon. Oops, there goes another stereotype! :-)


I think most - even the most fundamentalist - are probably not crazy.

Hmmm. Maybe. I'm sure I could diagnose them with something if I put my mind to it. :-)

Re: Crazy is as crazy does

[drwex]

I won't address the Mormon Scott Card issue. His outspoken condemnation of gays in all forms has pretty completely turned me off the man forever.

The Jewish fundamentalist crazies have more or less held the government hostage for much of the last three decades. It's sad as all get-out.

[(Anonymous)]

You have been unkind, acted in a way that displays you as seeming callous about whether or not you hurt others. It may be that you simply do not understand that you may be indifferent to a hurt but that others may not. May you find empathy in this time of reflection.

Thank you

[drwex]

I appreciate your taking the time to leave this feedback.

Re: Thank you

[(Anonymous)]

It's nice of you to say that, but that "feedback" displays exactly the characteristics it is criticizing in you. With absolutely no details, how are you supposed to have any idea what they are talking about? To me, it's just hurtful and not at all useful.

(Also, "feedback" is the shortest word that contains the first six letters of the alphabet.)

Re: Thank you

[drwex]

I agree that the comment is critical and thus might be hurtful. And it's true that since it lacks any detail I can't really act on it. Still, someone took the time to write it and post it in response to my request. If I don't know I'm doing something wrong I can't possibly make amends, though, so it's a start.