A weekend with fun and stuff

[drwex]

My weekends are generally Me vs. The Laundry Monster and other epic struggles. This weekend we did a couple different things.

Friday I went home early from work due to sick. Probably getting a flu shot while being sick was not the smartest move ever, but it was there so I did. Sleep helped.

Saturday I got my hairs cut by my favorite guys in Harvard Square. I've been going to these guys for a long time - they're a wonderful husband-husband couple and I've sent many of my friends there over the years. Their business is still down and if you tell them I sent you then you get a discount. Let me know if you want the details on going there.

Saturday night we had our annual Scotch-tasting. We had thought this would be a tiny affair, given how many people are out of town and how many other events were happening this weekend, but we got a bunch of last-minute RSVPs and people brought friends. It turned out to be just the right size, and Pygment managed to get the tub up and running before the party so that was a bonus. (*) When I prefaced a response in a conversation with "Given that it's one AM..." a whole bunch of people sort of startled. "Hey, I didn't realize it was that late." A sign of a good gathering, imo.

I also got to give a friend a present, which went just perfectly.
This was one of those things where I saw the item and immediately said "That would be perfect for so-and-so." And it was. The person receiving the gift was clearly pleased, said thanks, and went on enjoying the party. She kept the gift on her most of the evening, which really made me feel good. I realized (probably again) that I'm uncomfortable with effusive or emphatic expressions of thanks. I like people to let me know they enjoy gifts or things I've done but if they make a big deal out of it I get uncomfortable and am actually LESS likely to repeat it. How odd is that? Perhaps I distrust large overt expressions because part of me thinks the more effusive the thanks the more likely it is to be used to conceal insincerity?


Sunday was consumed by preparing for and attending the wedding of two friends. Again the event turned out smaller than some, but the smaller size made it easier to enjoy company and conversation and I'm shamelessly overjoyed to have been able to spend a little time socializing with the bride and groom. At large weddings it's really hard to do that, and often they're the people at the ceremony I know best. This time we got to have them stop by our table several times and enjoy a little time with their kid, who sort of randomly decided to sit at our table and be cute with our boys. Worth noting (for those who know our kids) that they behaved themselves really well, which was unexpected after some of the struggles earlier in the day.

Another of the odd highlight moments was the bride proving that yes, she did pass one of my very oldest tests for "would I date you?" much to the discomfort of pierceheart. My biggest regret of this affair was that I happened to stand in a place for the ceremony that really limited the number of good pictures I could take. We'll see what comes of it, when I eventually get around to processing the images.

Also of note was that I managed to remain dry-eyed for most of the affair, but got totally sandbagged by the couple's choice of "Storybook Love" for their first-dance music. Pygment and I got exceedingly mushy - what can I say.


The test requires knowing all the lyrics to Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." I expect most of my readers know these lyrics, probably by heart, but in case you don't, http://www.qgm.com/meatloaf/lyrics/paradise.html
OK, so the question is: "Whose fault is it?"

I take answers "hers" or "both of them" to be a sign that we're probably compatible enough to date. People who automatically answer "his" are likely not compatible. (Note: I didn't say wrong; the question here isn't about right, but whether I probably will get along with someone I want to date.)

Reasoning: He's pressuring her for sex (fault) but when she demands commitment he asks to sleep on it (redeems). She's the one who insists on an immediate answer (fault) to a question I don't think most teens could possibly answer. Then he's willing to stick to his commitment even though he'd rather not (another point in his favor). In some interpretation she's committing the stereotypical error of trading sex for love, which I do not respect. I also don't respect pressuring your partner for sex, but the song lyrics don't support her being unwilling so I discount that somewhat.


Sunday night we had Annoying Computer Fail. Details not terribly interesting, but if you know what would cause a VoIP app to fail (lag, drop for several seconds) at the same time as ping/traceroute was showing no problems I'd like to hear it. My two theories are (a) I've got a virus/trojan or (b) our ancient router finally croaked - it's been sucking wind for a while now but I've been lame about it. Last night I updated and hand-ran both AVG and Spybot S&D to see if they'd pick up anything (no) so this AM I spent a couple hours swapping out the router. We'll see if that fixes things.

(*) We use a private email list for our party invites. If you're reading this and not on the list but would like to be then you should send me an email address I can use for you. @livejournal does NOT work for me, but you can send to $MYFIRSTINITIAL$MYLASTNAME@gmail.com

Comments

[rmd.livejournal.com]

you might want to mention who the hairdressers in H^2 *are* if you're going to suggest people frequent them. :-)

[drwex]

Eh, it's a long post already. People who want to know will ask.

[mizarchivist]

Yep- both at fault.

Sorry I missed the bash. The sake.... oh, the sake. And everything else. Peeektures to follow

Yes, but I already know I can date you

[drwex]

Sake goood!

[celticdragonfly.livejournal.com]

I mostly agree with you on the song, although I'd taken the interpretation of "sleep on it" to mean "AFTER the sex, I'll go to sleep for the night, and then I'll tell you tomorrow".

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Um, yeah, that's historically been my reading as well. Which means, no, still not good. >;-)

Of course the whole interaction is kinda broken, but... that's what makes for good storytelling, right? Still one of my hands-down favorite albums of all time.

[c1.livejournal.com]

I dunno-- I've always seen it as him bringing things to a screeching halt with his insistence that he be allowed to sleep on it. (Yes, I know, it's she who says "Stop Right There!" but she's shown no tendency to get out of the car; she is, in fact, goading him with "so what's it gonna be, boy?"-- essentially she's not slammed the door shut in the slightest, and is handing this fact out to him as an enticement.) She's not going to give him any before his answer, and he's consciously trying not to answer.
All that being said, it does take two to tango. They both rounded third, and were heading home (I'll add he'd stolen at least one base already) so there was blood on both their hands.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

I've always seen it as him bringing things to a screeching halt with his insistence that he be allowed to sleep on it.

HA. I have never once thought of it as anything other than "Come on, baby, let's just do it this once and THEN we can talk tomorrow about whether or not I'm gonna love you forever..."

This makes me wonder what the gender split is for the competing intuitions on this question. I never even thought to wonder *that* before.

That's what Wikipedia says

[drwex]

..and I'm open to that argument as part of a "both" interpretation.

Just Not Fair

[mrw42.livejournal.com]

IMO, she is at fault...

It's my interpretation that she intentionally gets him emotionally and physically worked up, says "stop right there", and starts pressuring him to make life-changing decisions. That's blatant manipulation, and it is _just not fair_.

Note that, while one should try to avoid doing so, it is okay to get someone all worked up, emotionally and physically, and say "stop right there". The other person doesn't have to like it but they do have to stop, and he does. It is the part where she pressures him to make significant decisions in that state that I consider to be both unwise and unfair.

I _love_ the fact that he keeps the commitment that he made at that time, even though he regrets it. "I'm praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you" is one of the best song lines of it's generation.

Re: Just Not Fair

[drwex]

*glee*

[binkbink.livejournal.com]

Am I alone in thinking there is no fault? That it is refreshing that they are talking about it, and trying to deal with the differences in their priorities?
It is exciting that they have come together in the first place, and might well have a future, and the only issue is the order in which they enact the components of their relationship.
I see this as more a dance of push and pull, than any evidence than either of them did something wrong.
I expect, when he is old and feeble, he will appreciate having her until the end of his time and wonder why there was ever any doubt.

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

Me vs. The Laundry Monster and other epic struggles

*laugh* Cute! We have a Laundry Monster, too, and I don't know how we manage it -- we're only two people.


As for PbtDL, hey're both at fault, though she is more than he is.

"Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life" is just not a demand that one human being should ever put upon another. I cut her some slack because girls were/(are?) trained to think that way, especially back when this song was written, but geeze, what a terrible load of expectations to heap on anybody and what a terrible way to give up your own power and your own ability to make yourself happy.

As for the vow, I think this one should have been broken. Neither of them was in their right mind when they made it, and more importantly, they made those vows before the age of majority (they were "barely seventeen," remember). Contracts made before the age of majority aren't binding. Isn't that why we HAVE an age of majority, so that kids can't ruin their lives by making contracts and other commitments before they're old enough to realize what the consequences of their actions might be?

There's some brain research that shows that the areas of the brain that handle the most adult functions of the brain -- planning, anticipation of consequences, and so forth -- aren't fully formed until 21 or 22. This isn't to say that the functions are fully formed then, but the anatomical structure that those functions depend upon isn't fully formed until 21 or 22.

I wasn't surprised when this research came out, because I used to work at college counseling centers (I always wished I could work at MIT's counseling center; I'd love to be Speaker to Geeks :-) ), and I could see a qualitative difference between the way my freshmen and sophomores thought and felt and the way the juniors and seniors thought and felt. Somewhere around 21, the kids just seemed WAY more grown up than they had before.

There's a reason why 21 used to be the age of majority, and I think perhaps it still should be.

[skreeky]

I could really use a haircut in Harvard Square, and the last one I got was from a guy that didn't do what I said and my hair has sucked for a year because of it.

If these guys will layer the damn hair where I tell them to so it doesn't become a damn triangle when I don't spend an hour blowdrying it straight, I would love their info.

DHR

[drwex]

14A Elliot St
617-868-5355

Tell them you're a friend of mine. Dale does my hair, but Rob is very nice too.