Hot buttons, everyone's got 'em, right?
Feb. 17th, 2010 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drwex
In an unrelated email thread, a friend remarked that she has a particular "hot button." That is, a behavior that when someone does it she responds in a very negative fashion. A hot button is something that one person might react to very strongly where another person might just shrug it off. It doesn't necessarily have to be rational - it's just something that really sets you off.That started me thinking that everyone probably has these things and maybe it'd be good to know about them. With that in mind, I invite you to respond with one or two of your hot buttons. If you feel like reposting this in your LJ so you can learn more about your friends by all means go ahead. (Oh and if you think I have other hot buttons feel free to share that with me, too.)
Probably my two biggest hot buttons are:
- Respect/honesty. I can put up with a lot if I feel like I'm being respected. This can be as simple as phrasing requests politely or taking a moment to couch a rejection in gentle language. It also subsumes honesty because I feel that people who lie to me are not respecting me. If you don't tell me the truth how can I feel you respect me?
- Willful ignorance. Sure, not everyone knows a thing but the people who go around deliberately maintaining (or even flaunting) their opinionated wrong-headedness make me homicidal. "I don't know" is a fine phrase - people ought not to be ashamed of using it when appropriate. "That happens not to be the case" is also a fine phrase; more people ought to care whether it is true.
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no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 07:01 pm (UTC)Entitlement is another hot button of mine. When people act like the world OWES them something, it gets right on my nerves.
Then, there's Idiocy In Hitting On Women. People who hit on men idiotically are also obnoxious, but it's not an obnoxiousness that usually affects me personally. Actually, this often combines with the entitlement hot button: I HATE IT when a man acts as though just because he thinks I'm hot, he's ENTITLED to my time and my receptive attention. Bullshit.
Ooh yes on entitlement
Date: 2010-02-17 09:09 pm (UTC)The whole issue of male presumption on female time and attention is something I have been guilty of in the past. Fortunately I have many kind and patient female friends who have been willing to take the time to educate me on this one.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 07:05 pm (UTC)I used to over-react to assholes in traffic, but a stint in the Registry of Motor Vehicles's "Driver Retraining Course" got me over that.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 09:02 pm (UTC)But you're right when the recipient isn't receptive-- it's not too far away from bullying. I experienced a lot of s**t from my coworkers when I was starting out as an EMT (watch "Backdraft" to get 1/10th of an idea of what it was like), and it was useless to take my grievances to the supervisor, because he was in on the jokes, too. One day, it took more than an hour and finally threatening to call the police before my car keys were "found" at the end of my shift. Yeah, I had issues with that.
practical jokes
Date: 2010-02-19 12:28 am (UTC)I told them to stop. I told them to stop several times. Finally, they stopped after I applied some weatherstripping and some thumbtacks to the handholds of the wheel wells.
I was really, really astonished that one of the people had the gall to complain to me about that afterward.
Re: practical jokes
Date: 2010-02-19 01:20 am (UTC)I knew a couple guys who were flat-mates, and for awhile, they pranked each other mercilessly. One morning, one guy woke up when he realized his breakfast cereal had been glued to the top of the 'fridge, for example. This kind of thing went back and forth until they realized that things had started escalating out of their comfort range. (I think that point was reached when one of them openly contemplated covering the toilet-- not the seat, but the bowl-- with Saran Wrap. First thing in the morning, when one's not awake yet... yeah, that can get messy right quick.)
But for a few weeks, the stories were hilarious-- more so because they came from willing "combatants". They both were in stitches retelling each others' stories.
RMV
Date: 2010-02-17 09:09 pm (UTC)Re: RMV
Date: 2010-02-17 09:15 pm (UTC)But the next five (or so) years of driving within the law (including highway speed limits) really slows you down. You watch assholes mostly endangering themselves, not taking "your" place in traffic. It really forced me to shed my Type A personality behind the wheel.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 07:20 pm (UTC)Falsely accusing me.
Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-17 07:37 pm (UTC)Utensils scraping on plates. I will twitch the first time, but if it continues, I will scream. No. Really.
Reference calls that involve the person not gathering up the most basic information. Double bonus points if you are a willful luddite.
Fictional acts of destroying documents (National Treasure? Yeah, that) and actual acts of folding over book pages because you can't be bothered to get a book mark. I manage to not reprimand the people on the train. It's their book (hmph).
Passive-aggressive anything. I'm working on my reactions to that, though.
Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-17 08:57 pm (UTC)Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-17 09:03 pm (UTC)So, don't mark up the Gutenberg Bible, library books or any other borrowed ones and the wrath that is this trained information professional shall be contained. ^_^
Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-17 09:05 pm (UTC)Amusing aside: studies show that people who buy used texts that are pre-marked do worse in the same course than students with comparable GPAs who buy non-marked used texts. The theory is that the marks are sufficiently idiosyncratic that one person's marks don't help another person and in fact may hinder how that other person absorbs the material.
Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-17 09:09 pm (UTC)And I believe it, actually. I never liked premarked books. They usually did it wrong.
Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-19 01:41 am (UTC)Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-18 02:03 am (UTC)writing in library books and textbooks. I distinctly recall the day I
was deep in thought sorting out a passage with an equation, picked up a
pen to correct an error in the equation, and caught myself up short,
asking aloud,
"Am I really about to correct Stephen Hawking?"
After several seconds of hard thought, I decided that yes, I was. But I
switched to pencil.
That's a product of my OCD attention to detail when studying a text, though.
Re: Off the top of my head...
Date: 2010-02-18 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 07:49 pm (UTC)2. The philosophy "because it rhymes, it must be true!" Most egregiously seen in the Adam and Steve argument. This has always infuriated me, back to my young days when I got served this argument at church. It may rhyme, but that doesn't make it truthier! AAAAGH I AM BEING MADE CRAZY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
I'm still teaching my kids the first one
Date: 2010-02-17 09:12 pm (UTC)Just last night we had a related conversation on when is it appropriate to finish someone else's sentences for them. People doing that peeves Pygment and the kids know it, but sometimes I tolerate it and it's remarkably hard to teach the difference between good and bad instances of it.
Re: I'm still teaching my kids the first one
Date: 2010-02-18 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 08:13 pm (UTC)Assumptions - just because you assume something does not make it true. In fact don't *assume* anything until you have all the facts, and even then it only takes a moment to seek clarification and then repeating back to me what you understood.
Lack of basic common sense & manners (oops that's 3) - pay attention, be polite, wait your dang turn. Don't rush headlong into anything without looking at the potential pitfalls. Both physically and emotionally.
Miss Manners rules
Date: 2010-02-17 09:13 pm (UTC)Assumptions
Date: 2010-02-17 09:16 pm (UTC)Re: Assumptions
Date: 2010-02-17 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 08:39 pm (UTC)People telling me the obvious...
And People who treat me like I'm not an intelligent person. I suppose this ties into telling me the obvious. But some people act as if I'm stupid and don't know some very basic things. This is happening now with buying the house. I'm getting quite a bit of *well meaning* advice that is stuff that to me is just intuitive and obvious and I have been biting my tongue in an attempt to not snap and say something rude about people thinking I'm stupid or something.
People who go to social functions and announce that they are sick and people should not come near them. If you are sick enough to feel the need to announce it when you arrive, then perhaps you should have stayed home. Why show up only to pass your illness around the social circle. If you are sick, I don’t care how bored you are at home, stay home and get healthy rather than risk giving your illness to other people.
Oh that's more than two... oops. That's probably someones hot button too, giving more than what was asked for. :) But I got a few more too.
Auto mechanics
Date: 2010-02-17 09:16 pm (UTC)I found that whenever one goes through a common situation people feel compelled to share what they learned going through similar situations. Buying a car, buying a house, getting married and OHMYGOD do you get that when people find out you're going to have kids.
And if you have a few more, please do feel free to post it in your own LJ. I think as long as people treat it as fun and good learning it's worthwhile.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 09:12 pm (UTC)General stupidity, in the sense of governmental/corporate policies that serve no useful purpose, insensitivity to those near you, taking double-wide strollers into places that clearly can't reasonably accommodate them... things of that ilk. Yeah, that gets my goat, and I've uttered "have I ever mentioned that I hate people" to my companions many a time in reaction. Sometimes, my companions are amused when I start speaking in my outside voice in regards to same. "Wow. Imagine what it'd be like if someone started smoking right under the No Smoking sign. Oh wait-- we don't have to imagine, because someone's gone and provided an example!"
Yeah, I can be a curmudgeon sometimes.
*snerk*
Date: 2010-02-17 09:17 pm (UTC)Condescension
Date: 2010-02-17 09:19 pm (UTC)Don't do it. I'm not a child, don't treat me like one. Have a respectful conversation with me.
Re: Condescension
Date: 2010-02-18 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 10:03 pm (UTC)Class issues. There's a lot of individual things that fall into this bucket, but the common thread is someone giving me the sense that they consider themselves superior to me by virtue of their family or their wealth.
Treating/judging individuals as representatives of their groups. As in, "well, Xes are just like that." It's a fine line between that and merely observing differences between groups.
Wait, you mean you're not the Gay Spokesman?
Date: 2010-02-18 02:52 am (UTC)Re: Wait, you mean you're not the Gay Spokesman?
Date: 2010-02-18 04:20 am (UTC)Nor am I the Voice of My Generation.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 10:10 pm (UTC)hmmm.
I am going to have to more closely examine my own triggers; I can only assume that I have one or more hot-buttons; but that I can't name them. Which makes them more dangerous.
Practical jokes is a maybe; it would depend on the joke and context. I dislike "surprise-parties"; if one is sprung on me I may leave.
hmmm
I had that problem
Date: 2010-02-18 02:53 am (UTC)OMG the icon!
Date: 2010-02-18 02:58 am (UTC)Re: OMG the icon!
Date: 2010-02-18 06:38 am (UTC)One of my friends had it.
swiped.
SO good.
no subject
Date: 2010-02-17 11:43 pm (UTC)2) People who say they are drama-free but walk only in drama-ridden circles.
Drama will be mocked
Date: 2010-02-18 02:46 am (UTC)Re: Drama will be mocked
Date: 2010-02-18 02:47 am (UTC)Great subject
Date: 2010-02-18 01:35 am (UTC)1) Treating me like I am stupid, especially if my education background is known to you
2) Flagrant stupidity, especially in regard to the health of your pet or family member. I still don't win any diplomacy awards on this one
Re: Great subject
Date: 2010-02-18 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-18 03:30 am (UTC)a. are very manipulative, especially the "poor helpless me" variety
b. have poor boundaries (e.g. not realizing other people see things different ways, over-disclosing TMI to people who *really* don't want to know, basically people who don't know where they end and another person begins.)
Unfortunately, the combination of the two makes it very difficult, at times, for me to deal with abuse "survivors." I don't mean people who have survived being abused, but people who have taken on the "survivor" identity at their core. Have just seen too much crazy sh*t coming from that...