drwex | Owners Manual Meme

I like this meme, partly because it's the kinds of things I'm so bad at figuring out/remembering about other people. But it's long, so whackety-whack it goes.

Stolen from

rednikki,
How can I tell if you are angry?
I'm not a big one for subtlety, but I can also do the pouty passive-aggressive thing when I'm not paying attention or when I'm too upset to be self-aware. Real anger is something I don't often get to, and it's a kind of grim determination. Usually that's preceded by varying degrees of upset, which are characterized by nasty comments and sometimes overt yelling. Mostly I yell when I'm frustrated, though, not when I'm truly angry.

How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Share your anger with me. Don't back down, cower, or do the submissive thing. Then let it go. I'm a big believer in "Oops I frelled up. I'm sorry; I'll try not to do that again." I forgive easily, but rarely forget. I believe that each of us has the power to redeem ourselves and that there are no unforgivable sins/acts. There may be things I can't forgive _now_ but that's a situational, not a categorical.

How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? (How is it best to comfort you?)
I draw immense comfort from the people I want to be around. Having you be present, physically and emotionally, is good for me. Brief casual reassuring touches (a pat on the shoulder) is better than snuggling or prolonged contact, unless you're one of a few very close people.

Are there things we should not discuss?
It depends. I'm not big on talking about my childhood and I strongly advise against attempting to "save my soul." (Don't laugh, please, this is what broke up my first serious love relationship.) But in general, no, there are no taboo topics.

How should I treat you if you are physically ill?
I'm a dreadful patient. I get whiny and needy. Just make sure I'm doing the right basics for whatever the illness is (hot liquids, rest, taking meds, whatever) and mostly leave me be.

What makes you happy, that's in my power to grant as a friend?
I love having people enjoy themselves in my home. I love being asked/included when plans are made and I regret not being able to accept more of the invitations I do get.

How would you like me to recognize your birthday?
Quietly, for the most part. I don't mind being reminded of my advancing age (it beats the alternative). I threw myself a 40th b-day party and declared I was done throwing myself parties at that point. If someone else wants to I'm OK with that. I'd also be OK with a few people descending on my house and saying "Hi, we're having a potluck here for your birthday, want to come?" (Actually, I'd be more than OK, I'd be pleased as punch.)

Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
I have a strong preference for functional/useful things over decorative things (chotchkes are bad). The sole exception to this is decorative things that have been made by my creative friends. I treasure the big artwork in my living room that

mizarchivist painted, the candlesticks that

sunspiral made, the turned wooden plate I got from

quiet_elegance and so on. If you're in doubt, chocolate and good single malt are generally great gifts.

Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
Not really. I have a touch of SAD, so winter can be bad, but I try to relieve that with parties and fireplace fires and hot tubbing.

Are there important anniversaries that I should recognize in your life?
No, I'm not a big anniversaries/dates person. I want to be happy and celebrate in this moment right now.

Who are the most important people in your life to whom I should defer when making plans on your behalf?
Never make plans on my behalf. I hate surprises, really I do. Of course I have to take the family into first consideration when making plans, but other than that, just talk to me.