Los Angeles detectives assigned to the hit-and-run homicide of a Guatemalan-American construction worker on March 29, 2009: 1
Sentences in the April 25th edition of the Washington Post reporting on a colonoscopy of a panda in that city's zoo: 20
Sentences in the April 25th edition of the Washington Post reporting on the murder of a black teenager: 2
Yeah, I got nothin'. (h/t to News of the Weird, LA Times, Washington Post, and of course Harper's)