Don't try to charge me an ADDITIONAL $3 because I'm trying to pay my ticket promptly on the Web. It saves you money if I do that, and since I'm already pissed I got a ticket for being 3 minutes past my meter expiry I do not want to be subjected to some stupid additional fee because I'M SAVING YOU MONEY BY PAYING ONLINE YOU IMBECILES.
Die in a fire,
Me
Dear oh-so-clever sysadmins,
When you send out directions and I ask you "Am I supposed to follow these steps?" that's a YES OR NO QUESTION! Responses that lay out the entire procedure that you have to follow to set up the server side of the equation are (a) irrelevant, (b) pointlessly long-winded and (c) don't answer the YES OR NO QUESTION. When it's the second email I've written to you saying "Your responses confuse me" please understand that this is polite-speak for "answer the f'ing question already!" and not an invitation to copy-paste some sentences out of some Microsoft server manual.
No love,
Me
(ETA: I really do like our sysadmin guys. He was just confused. He called me about half an hour later and we worked through it. I won't kill him - he laughs at my jokes.)