We Saw Hobbit Part Two and it was rather dull

[drwex]

I can't even be arsed to do much of a review of this. Peter Jackson doesn't just take liberties with the source material - he writes some fanfic and makes a big-budget movie out of it. It's an excuse to string together a bunch of fight scenes and special effect scenes, which are really the same thing in this film. 2/5 stars.

I will say I was surprised to learn that orcs are bloodless. Not only can you stab a bunch of them and come away with a clean blade, but you can even cut off the head of one of them and neither the head nor the torso will emit any blood. Also, their skulls apparently have the hardness and density of cantaloupes, and they're too stupid to dodge, turn, or even tilt their heads when someone is drawing a bow pointed at their faces.

A great deal has been made of the invention of Tauriel and Evangeline Lilly's performance in the role, which I think was pretty good. If I wasn't hoping for, you know, The Hobbit I think it would've been more interesting. I'm one of those weirdos who made it all the way through The Silmarillion and whatever you think of that book it shows there are other interesting stories to be told in Middle Earth, many of them centered on elves. I would like to see a Tauriel-centric movie, even if it's not Tauriel-Legolas. But, you know, The Hobbit. It's even in the title.

Comments

[mzrowan.livejournal.com]

You are apparently not the only one to feel that way: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/12/-em-the-hobbit-2-em-is-bad-fan-fiction/282316/

[drwex]

"Jackson has by now laid to rest any lingering doubt that he is, indeed, the new George Lucas"

Oh SNAP.

[dcltdw]

A very good thing I was not drinking anything at the time I read that. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn. But so true!

[noire.livejournal.com]

Ummm, yeah.

Not to mention the physics.

[drwex]

This is for you: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/but-not-simpler/2014/01/02/smaug-breathes-fire-like-a-bloated-bombardier-beetle-with-flinted-teeth/

[noire.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Nice--but it still doesn't explain why his fire doesn't even soften the coins in the cavern but immediately fires the forges so super hot that they can liquify huge quantities of the same metal in amazingly fast time--without doing the slightest damage to the dwarves (and hobbit) shielded by only stone stone slabs on one side in that particular scene.

I would have to assume that Smaug can consciously control the heat of his fiery breath. But given the low melting point of gold...

Anyway, you see my issues...*grin*

[drwex]

Oh, that. Two words: because MacGyver.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I felt the same way about much of the movie. It was like Peter Jackson said, "OK, let's take some stuff from the Hobbit, and then turn it into all elf-fights, all the time." Yawn.

I wasn't all that interested in Tauriel, myself, but then, I'm less interested in the ever-perfect elves than I am in the other peoples of Middle Earth.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Richard Armitage is turning me into a pervy dwarf fancier. It's just weird. But he's hot.

[drwex]

Yeah, that was some serious fan service going on there, wannit?

I like that Tauriel's not ever-perfect. She's totally the elf version of a lusty wench. Who can kick ass. Two of my favorite things.

Netflix

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

For your RA fix. He was in the BBC's Robin Hood as Sir Guy.

[shades-of-nyx.livejournal.com]

And... Skipping this film.
I'm with BadSeed on the dwarf fancying.
Actually, the dwarf women in the first Hobbit film were one of the few times I've felt okay about my body type and hair. Laughs. I've found my kin!

[mizarchivist]

Peter Jackson doesn't just take liberties with the source material - he writes some fanfic and makes a big-budget movie out of it. It's an excuse to string together a bunch of fight scenes and special effect scenes, which are really the same thing in this film.

RIGHT. This was the first movie I went to in 3D in forever. They definitely have worked out the initial icky thing (and I dug out my contacts to avoid double-lense discomfort)... but WTF, yo. I took a nap in the middle. (No, really- I did)I'm quite certain they could have made do with a 2-parter, made it interesting and full of detail, but also resembling the ACTUAL STORY.

Tauriel I heard about generically from friends who saw it first, so I put it into the "hey, we have to deal with the bit where there are zero women in this story." Also? Thranduil? TOTALLY the prettiest. Legolas wishes he was as pretty has his papa.

Totally fan-fic.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

Also? Thranduil? TOTALLY the prettiest. Legolas wishes he was as pretty has his papa.

OH. HELL. YES.

That scene between him and Thorin? I almost wet the movie seat. That was more candy than the screen could hold.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

I will say I was surprised to learn that orcs are bloodless. Not only can you stab a bunch of them and come away with a clean blade, but you can even cut off the head of one of them and neither the head nor the torso will emit any blood. Also, their skulls apparently have the hardness and density of cantaloupes, and they're too stupid to dodge, turn, or even tilt their heads when someone is drawing a bow pointed at their faces.

Not to mention that except for the higher-up-in-the-rank-guys, the orcs are maybe 1 hit point each and obviously had never been taught what armor is for.

Also? Casting Bard the Bowman to look waaaay too much like Legolas with a dye-job (made me expect Johnny Depp in a pirate suit to walk onto the scene) might not have been the best choice. It was hella distracting.