This. Dear lord all of this

[drwex]

http://www.newstatesman.com/laurie-penny/on-nerd-entitlement-rebel-alliance-empire

I want to quote so much of this article because I think it hits many good points in very clear and accessible ways. Most notably for me, Laurie Penny has absolutely nailed why I am so frustrated trying to talk about privilege and sexism with my software development peers. All of them have stories of personal misery and reasons why they don't feel privileged. The sea of whiteness, maleness, able-ness, cis-ness that they swim in is invisible to them; all they see is their own suffering, which Ms. Penny agrees is valid and real.

Here, just have one moment of brilliance:

[V]ery real suffering does not cancel out male privilege, or make it somehow alright. Privilege doesn't mean you don't suffer [...] [I]magine what it's like to have all the problems you had and then putting up with structural misogyny on top of that. Or how about a triple whammy: you have to go through your entire school years again but this time you're a lonely nerd who also faces sexism and racism. This is why Silicon Valley is fucked up. Because it's built and run by some of the most privileged people in the world who are convinced that they are among the least. People whose received trauma makes them disinclined to listen to pleas from people whose trauma was compounded by structural oppression. People who don't want to hear that there is anyone more oppressed than them, who definitely don't want to hear that maybe women and people of colour had to go through the hell of nerd puberty as well, because they haven't recovered from their own appalling nerdolescence. People who definitely don’t want to hear that, smart as they are, there might be basic things about society that they haven’t understood, because they have been prevented from understanding by the very forces that caused them such pain as children.

That, gentle readers, is a raw truth that took me a long time to grok: sexism and patriarchy hurt me. Not just growing up but now, every day. (And not just when horrifying sexism comes out of my mouth or off my keyboard - I swim in these seas, too.)

In response to another entry, one of the people I game with pointed out that part of the reason I have such a hard time with Gamergate is that I see female gamers as part of my success story. Without my main tank (female gamer) and highest DPSer (female gamer) I'm not going to be as successful. I don't understand why other people don't see things this way: we succeed together and we are harmed together.

Comments

[chienne-folle.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was amazing! Thanks for pointing us to that post.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

That, gentle readers, is a raw truth that took me a long time to grok: sexism and patriarchy hurt me. Not just growing up but now, every day.

Any system built to hurt and oppress half of the people inevitably winds up hurting and oppressing all of them. We should be dismantling these systems because they ultimately suck for everyone.

I stole that from Bujold.

[drwex]

Steal from the best - I approve. I just look back on how many years I failed to understand this and am appalled at myself.

[dcltdw]

Yeah, some friends of mine decided to re-up on WoW and I was tempted to join them -- but then I realized there'd only be 1-2 women. Me, I'm het, so I *like* the sound of women's voices over Ventrilo. *shrug* There were other reasons I didn't join, but that one especially struck me. "Wait, are we Calvin and Hobbes and we don't want girls?" Although I think, in this case, there aren't many women in this subgroup who aren't at either extreme: already raiding or interested in playing.

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

I want her tasty tasty brain. :)

[drwex]

Totally! I've started following her writing.

[dpolicar]

Yeah, that was a good post.

I recommend avoiding Aaronson's response to it (and several other pieces responding to him) if your blood pressure is uncontrolled.

I don't know how to help us see ourselves as part of an "us," such that what weakens us and causes us to suffer is seen as worth addressing even if it isn't an immediate problem for our individual selves, and such that us engaging with the causes of our suffering isn't seen as a threat to our selves (even when we are among those causes).

But goddamn I wish we'd get busy doing whatever it is.

(What works for me is learning to see myself as a collective entity, but I'm pretty clear that doesn't work for most people, to put it mildly.)

[drwex]

Hmm, now you make me want to read Aaronson's response. Is there an easy link?

I don't know how to help us see ourselves as part of an "us," such that what weakens us and causes us to suffer is seen as worth addressing even if it isn't an immediate problem for our individual selves

Isn't that the core of charity? We are not ourselves homeless, or in need of soup kitchens, or affected by ebola but it's part of the suffering we help to alleviate through our charitable giving. I don't know the Christian approach but I do remember in Hebrew grade school learning about why tzedakah was a mitzvah and it had essentially this form: we are all one, and by helping any of us we help all of us. I can't say I've perfectly hewed to this philosophy but it's what I remember from my Jewish ethics.

[dpolicar]

Re: aaronson... it's the most recent post on his blog.

Re: tzedakah... yeah, I don't know.

I see a lot of people talking about charity, and some of them seem to be approaching it from the "we are all one" perspective you describe, and some from a probabilistic variant of it (e.g., "I might need charity in the future, so it's best for me to support social mechanisms that result in such charity"), and some from a "being in a position to give or withhold aid to the needy makes me powerful" kind of narcissism, and some from a more deontological "charity is an obligation, so we give to charity" kind of stance.

And some people reject charity altogether.

[drwex]

Well, I've now read Aaronson's blog post and his updates to it and I see that he still doesn't get it fully, but he seems to be slowly acquiring clue.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Just went over and read that, and am reminded that some time ago I thought she was nifty. I think I might have a crush on her now. :-}

[mizarchivist]

amen.