"For any woman at that level of visibility...

[drwex]

...I can be pretty sure she did [get death threats and had stalkers]"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toap7iPpTbs&feature=em-uploademail

I cannot ever before remember crying at a Vi Hart video. The problem, gentlemen is us. Pogo is right.

I look at my boys and wonder if, once they are out of our supervision, will they make the same stupid mistakes I made, be the same problem I was? I was commiserating last night with another parent whose child was also misbehaving and she noted that if she had done or said any of the things her child was doing and saying she would've been beaten soundly for it. Me, too. But she and her husband - like me and Pygment - have vowed to raise our children differently. She has five boys, we have two. If we've done something right, there might be seven fewer problems, seven more allies. And if we've done something REALLY right then we might just produce seven examples who have the position and possibility to influence their peers.

And maybe if enough of us do that enough times there will be a future history class that teaches videos like this one the way we teach at photos of last century's cholera, typhus, or influenza epidemics and both sympathize and be grateful the world is no longer like that.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

The scary part of this video is that _every woman you know_ lives in that world, and this is _not new_. it isn't even an Internet phenomenon, although there are ways the Internet makes it worse.

"Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
(to paraphrase a lecture by Margaret Atwood from 1982)

If you want to understand what happens to women who report things and how the Internet has made it worse, watch Monica Lewinsky's Ted Talk. Bill Clinton is an elder statesman who is an asset to his wife in her bid for the Presidency. Monical Lewinsky is a punchline. Do you know what she did to deserve that? She fell in love with her boss.

[mrw42.livejournal.com]

That last comment was me... I didn't realize I wasn't logged in.

[drwex]

Thanks for identifying; I've unscreened the comment.

(Apologies for that; I used to allow free anonymous commenting then some trolls decided to abuse that to post insulting things about my friends so I tightened it down.)

[fidgetmonster.livejournal.com]

Her video didn't make me cry, but your post did. I am having such a hard time with the world right now, the way it is. It's hard to be optimistic that the future will be better.

[drwex]

I am sorry that my post made you cry. I am fumbling along trying to figure out what sort of ally I can be, to whom and when and like so many things hoping the next generation will fix some of this. I know that my parents' generation didn't even ask these questions, and their parents' generation would not have even thought it was a question to raise. So the arc is there.

[mizarchivist]

And maybe if enough of us do that enough times there will be a future history class that teaches videos like this one the way we teach at photos of last century's cholera, typhus, or influenza epidemics and both sympathize and be grateful the world is no longer like that.

That would be nice.
As another parent of a boy, I take my role to give him the education school can't give- that will likely do everything in its power to do THE OTHER THING.

I dunno. I lost the thread of what I was going to say. It might have been along the lines of keep up the good fight. Keep making it clear that all boys need to change how things are currently and be aware of their role.

[drwex]

Yeah, that's a good thread. I'm going to take the kids shopping and for ice cream (assuming they aren't destroying the house right nor or each other - I'm hearing noises) and perhaps we can have some conversation.

[mizarchivist]

I look forward to hear how it goes.

[drwex]

It was a dismal and saddening failure :(

ETA: I should clarify that I never got to take them, never mind having actual important conversation.

I have figured out that when Breaker's says "kiddie size" they mean "this is the size your kid probably was when he was born. I might be comfort-eating.

[mizarchivist]

::hug::

yeah.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

I've ranted a fair bit lately over on the book of faces about toxic masculinity. It is real, and it has real consequences for everyone.

as a parent of girls...

[lsl.livejournal.com]

As a parent of three girls, this leaves me wondering what I can do or what I should do from the other side of this. I'm torn between not wanting to instill fear and negative attitudes (which I think can contribute to the problem in some very real ways, and can be isolating) and wanting to prepare them for the reality that awaits them. No one wants "bad stuff" to happen to their kids, but there has to be a balance somewhere. At this point I'm just not sure where that is.

Re: as a parent of girls...

[drwex]

This is super-duper hard and I sympathize. On the one hand, it's not womens' responsibility to call out guys' inappropriate behavior. On the other hand, they're in the best position to see and understand its effects. I've long defined feminism as "the radical notion that women are people, too." So in some sense, any person who is being treated as less than a whole person can speak up for themselves and demand that right. But in another sense that easily shades into victim-blaming and responsibility shifting.

I believe there's some reasonable medium ground, but I think if I could define it I'd be a candidate for a Nobel prize.