drwex | Journaling project, Day 18

It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.

What’s something you’ve moved on from that once meant the world to you? And, what’s something you love today that you never even knew you needed in your life?

So, this is me, 21st-century digital boy. I love living in the future. Technology and science and progress keep bringing me things that never existed before and I get to pick and choose what I want out of them that make my life better, or more meaningful. I love that I have a magic piece of glass in my pocket that means I never get lost again. I used to get lost ALL the time. I love that I have more real-time connection to people. I used to live on IRC and chat boards just so I could say "hi" to a circle of friends. Now I can touch base with whoever, AND annoy my children all with that same piece of glass.

I used to be a film camera guy. Then I went to DSLR and now my phone takes better pictures because I upgrade my phone every few years and a camera upgrade comes as part of the package. My DSLR has better glass but the body and its technology are old and by the phone-camera's standards, awful. I used to watch a lot of TV and while I miss some of the social aspects of that (gathering at MIT to watch Babylon 5 episodes snatched off satellite downloads before they were locally broadcast) I like streaming and binge-watching. I love that I could learn about Nanette through social media and access it when I wanted, and then be able to pause it and reflect on it or take a step back as needed. There's a great joy for me in going to live music with friends, but there's also a new world to explore now. I used to depend on a girlfriend who got white-label CDs shipped to her from DJs in Goa, India. Today I just put a few words into my magic glass and get new sounds from all over the world.

Medical stuff: used to be western medicine had a pill for a few things and the rest of the time you were shit-out-of-luck. Today you can often expect to get midwives to assist with birthing and doctors who don't know how to help their patients adapt diets are out of touch. Long ago I lost a dear friend and lover to an aggressive form of breast cancer; today that cancer has much higher survival rate, as do almost all forms of cancer. Decades ago I saw people go to endless cycles of funerals for people who died of AIDS. Today there's at least PrEP and maybe there'll be a cure or vaccine.

Of course there's a price for all this and the future is not even vaguely evenly distributed. I got a lucky break on the dice of social birth and location. My country is not immediately going to sink beneath the rising ocean, though more of it will burn faster each year. Today those pieces of glass turned silent fascists and racists into emboldened voters and we might just lose our democracy to them. So, yeah, there's a bill coming due. But just because I don't love everything about this future doesn't mean I want to go back to any of the past I've lived in.

Trivial things, too. I used to be a "never automatic transmission" person. I loved driving and the feel of actually doing the driving. Then I made the choice to get the more economical car (because see carbon footprint) and now I drive an automatic. Or rather I push and hold the pedal and let it decide to drive me. I expect soon I won't even push the pedal for that to happen.

I do miss some of the things I had to let go, mostly to do with the abilities a younger body has, and the freedom that being childless allows. But I didn't get a choice on the first one and the second was made quite deliberately and if you offered me the chance to go back and do it over again I'd make some different choices but I wouldn't undo the big choices themselves. I'm just more knowledgeable now and as we've discussed, knowledge can be used to make better choices.

I think if there's a thing I've "moved on from" that used to mean the world to me it would be specific people. I miss people I used to hang with, party with, debate with, go to cons with, game with. Lots of them live farther away now, lots of them have their own lives doing other things. Some of them are dead, which is sad. Some of them are mad at me because I did or said stupid things, or hurtful things. Or both. I miss them all.