I exist, and I have questions

[drwex]

I have been putting more of my thoughts and questions onto Twitter. For all that it's a nazi-hosting shit show, it's also a place where I feel a community of thought and belief. People chuckle when I say "favorite Twitter rabbi" but that's actually a thing I have, now. She's awesome, and through her I've found other really interesting spiritual leaders.

Question 1: where is your community?

I have been having a hard time for the past couple months with the "how are you"/"how are things" question-conversation opener. It's really about how average is a bad measure you see, because there are a bunch of things that are good and I like and am happy about, and another bunch of things that are bad and stressful and I'm upset about. If I average those out, I get "OK" and sometimes I say that but it's probably the least accurate, least descriptive word I could use for this state.

Question 2: does this happen to you? What do you say when it does?

I had this... thing happen to me again recently where the proverbial light bulb went on inside my head and I thought, "Oh! So _that's_ a thing, and probably true." When you're on this side of that moment the thing in retrospect is blindingly obvious and like why couldn't you see that 1+1=2 before? It's not like I acquired new knowledge or a higher level of understanding. It's more like "these two jigsaw pieces always fit together in this way but I just never put them next to each other before."

This happens to me from time to time and while I'm glad for the universe delivering clarity to me it's also frustrating because I often don't know what to do with it and I really don't believe, much, in blinding flashes of insight. I'm more the "slow methodical building up to an answer" kind of person. Or, I think I am. Maybe I'm not.

Question 3: Does this happen to you, too? If it does, how does it fit with your world/self-view?

Comments

[drwex]

Interesting to find people with neighborhood-based community these days. I get the sense it's quite rare in 21st century USA.

"ups and downs" works. Thanks.

I think what's going on in these cases is that I'm not thinking about the problem at all. Like, ever. At least, not consciously. I don't feel like I'm suddenly getting an insight I didn't have before; it's like I suddenly realize "some apples are green on purpose".

[elusiveat]

Interesting to find people with neighborhood-based community these days. I get the sense it's quite rare in 21st century USA.

Yes, we are very fortunate. I think that part of it is just that Somerville is the kind of place that would have neighborhood mailing lists, but another piece is that Squirrelitude has a history of working from home on the front porch and saying hello to people who pass by. I'm a big advocate of knowing the neighbors, but he's the one who's driven most of these connections.

"ups and downs" works. Thanks.

You're welcome.

I think what's going on in these cases is that I'm not thinking about the problem at all. Like, ever. At least, not consciously. I don't feel like I'm suddenly getting an insight I didn't have before; it's like I suddenly realize "some apples are green on purpose".

I'm not sure I understand the distinction between getting a sudden insight and suddenly realizing "some apples are green on purpose," unless the ridiculousness of the statement is meant to imply that it is false? Anyway, I'm a little confused, and would not mind clarification.

[drwex]

Ah! "working from home on the front porch" isn't a common pattern these days. And yeah, you're right, it really requires a particular kind of neighborhood context. The last time I saw such a thing was many decades ago when I lived in West Philly.

I'm not sure I understand the distinction between getting a sudden insight and suddenly realizing "some apples are green on purpose," unless the ridiculousness of the statement is meant to imply that it is false?

OK, not the greatest analogy. My jigsaw puzzle one is the best I have so far but it's likely not to make sense if you don't do jigsaw puzzles. Let me try this:

There's a sense in which I will realize certain things are true and having realized that, I will also realize that those things have always been true but I never thought of them as true before, nor would I have listed them among the large set of "true things I know." Yet in some sense I've known these things for a while.

Real examples: at one point I realized that Person (now deceased) must have known True Thing. It was not a thing I'd ever discussed with them, but on consideration given who they talked to and what they observed, they must have known this thing. I didn't ever - at least consciously - ask myself the question "Did Person know Thing?". I'd never even thought to ask the question before.

Another: I recently had the thought that $PRESENT_BEHAVIOR is very likely a reaction to $PAST_SITUATION. Now, in general I know that our pasts shape our present. And I do believe that my past experiences guide and shape my behaviors. But I had never before realized that something pretty specific in my past was even relevant to this current situation - as opposed to the generalized notion that _something_ in the past is relevant, it was "oh, this very specific thing is relevant".

Does that clarify?