![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drwexI'm posting this here in part to remind myself to write it more fully later. However, commentary is open and welcome.
Adults repress joy. Children have the freedom to express it, but we try to repress it, in part to protect ourselves from being hurt. We fear the consequences of expressing anger, or sexual feelings. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt. Joy and expressions of love are therefore repressed.
LJ creates/enables/encourages (I'm not sure which, maybe all) a culture of sadness. Observation: when a friend posts about her illness or depression or unhappiness, she receives many encouraging comments. The readers chime in, and participate in the expression, validating the feelings of sadness or depression. Observation: when a friend posts about his happiness, his readers complain and even stop reading his journal. Observation: when a friend posts about her sexual feelings, she is expected to label it "TMI" and put it behind a cut, lest someone be offended.
The social norm is that feelings of sadness or depression are supported; feelings of joy, sexuality, happiness are ignored, trivialized, or even draw negative feedback. I do not think this is unique to LJ; I think there are many Cultures of Sadness in modern life. I just happen to be participating in this one with roughly 120 of my closest friends.
Adults repress joy. Children have the freedom to express it, but we try to repress it, in part to protect ourselves from being hurt. We fear the consequences of expressing anger, or sexual feelings. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt. Joy and expressions of love are therefore repressed.
LJ creates/enables/encourages (I'm not sure which, maybe all) a culture of sadness. Observation: when a friend posts about her illness or depression or unhappiness, she receives many encouraging comments. The readers chime in, and participate in the expression, validating the feelings of sadness or depression. Observation: when a friend posts about his happiness, his readers complain and even stop reading his journal. Observation: when a friend posts about her sexual feelings, she is expected to label it "TMI" and put it behind a cut, lest someone be offended.
The social norm is that feelings of sadness or depression are supported; feelings of joy, sexuality, happiness are ignored, trivialized, or even draw negative feedback. I do not think this is unique to LJ; I think there are many Cultures of Sadness in modern life. I just happen to be participating in this one with roughly 120 of my closest friends.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hmmmm
Date: 2005-10-23 07:38 pm (UTC)Hmm... weird. In my lj, I think the encouraging comments come from the fact that my friends truly care about me and that they are actually encouraging joy. They're showing support during an hour of need and encouraging me to continue being positive and finding joy even during a hard time. Althoug I do see how some people must perpetuate a constant state of drama because they identity so much that they need their friends to constantly be gratifying them.
As far as ceasing to read a cheery journal, I find myself practicing the contrary. I can't seem to constantly read people's journals who never actually bother taking action about changing their negative state. Not that there's anything wrong with writing these things in a journal, and I most certainly don't expect anyone to put it behind a cut. The only stuff I'd enjoy, not demand, to see behind a cut is pages long stuff about how, "today I went to the mall and..." Which, I guess I should practice what I preach but, whatever, people don't have to read my blather. It's there for my benefit and should others choose to participate in it, great.
I don't feel I'm ignoring positive feelings, and sometimes I do comment on them. But a lot of the times when I'm commenting on someone's hard day, it's more of a "this person seems like they need a little support." When they're having a good day, it doesn't seem like they need my support so much.
Re: hmmmm
Date: 2005-10-24 12:30 am (UTC)I think this is a reason many people would agree with, and it was my thought as well. So, the question is, if we don't engage with others' expressions of joy to the same depth and degree that we do with their expressions of sorrow, are we in effect sloughing off, or denigrating their joy? Why don't we help them "process" - as harlequinade puts it - their joy the way we help them process their sorrow?