Cultures of Sadness (first in an intermittent series)

[drwex]

I'm posting this here in part to remind myself to write it more fully later. However, commentary is open and welcome.

Adults repress joy. Children have the freedom to express it, but we try to repress it, in part to protect ourselves from being hurt. We fear the consequences of expressing anger, or sexual feelings. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt. Joy and expressions of love are therefore repressed.

LJ creates/enables/encourages (I'm not sure which, maybe all) a culture of sadness. Observation: when a friend posts about her illness or depression or unhappiness, she receives many encouraging comments. The readers chime in, and participate in the expression, validating the feelings of sadness or depression. Observation: when a friend posts about his happiness, his readers complain and even stop reading his journal. Observation: when a friend posts about her sexual feelings, she is expected to label it "TMI" and put it behind a cut, lest someone be offended.

The social norm is that feelings of sadness or depression are supported; feelings of joy, sexuality, happiness are ignored, trivialized, or even draw negative feedback. I do not think this is unique to LJ; I think there are many Cultures of Sadness in modern life. I just happen to be participating in this one with roughly 120 of my closest friends.

Comments

Repression of Joy

[hlmt.livejournal.com]

Interesting observation, and one that I think is correct. However, repression of sadness is also the polite societal norm. And the hiding of feelings is equally normative, which leads to the automatic street greeting "Hi! How are ya?" [speaker doesn't really care] "Oh, fine" [responder isn't about to take the time to be introspective and let it all hang out].

But, wrt joy:
I remember being in class, in Switzerland, when I was about 9 or 10, and looking up and seeing snow falling. I jumped up and cried "It's snowing!" and had a big grin on my face... and got my mouth washed out with castor oil as a result.

It is extremely characteristic of my child/Daddy persona that I am joyful, innocently so. I can also be grief-stricken at the drop of a hat, too.

I think the suppression of strong emotions is likely a protective mechanism, since we are so vulnerable at the extremes...

Re: Repression of Joy

[drwex]

repression of sadness is also the polite societal norm

It has been the norm, and in much of the culture still is. However, at least within this extended social group (and I think much of blue America) it's become normal and accepted to talk about one's depression and which SSRI one is taking this week. People have conversations about this stuff all the time, when they don't have similar conversations about how hot they find their bosses or what brand of lube they use for anal sex.
(Sex Grease, thank you for asking - recommended to me by the friendly dykes at Grand Opening)

Sorry to hear about your Swiss school story. I remember your strong emotions fondly, and thinking of you still brings me joy :)