Cultures of Sadness (first in an intermittent series)

[drwex]

I'm posting this here in part to remind myself to write it more fully later. However, commentary is open and welcome.

Adults repress joy. Children have the freedom to express it, but we try to repress it, in part to protect ourselves from being hurt. We fear the consequences of expressing anger, or sexual feelings. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt. Joy and expressions of love are therefore repressed.

LJ creates/enables/encourages (I'm not sure which, maybe all) a culture of sadness. Observation: when a friend posts about her illness or depression or unhappiness, she receives many encouraging comments. The readers chime in, and participate in the expression, validating the feelings of sadness or depression. Observation: when a friend posts about his happiness, his readers complain and even stop reading his journal. Observation: when a friend posts about her sexual feelings, she is expected to label it "TMI" and put it behind a cut, lest someone be offended.

The social norm is that feelings of sadness or depression are supported; feelings of joy, sexuality, happiness are ignored, trivialized, or even draw negative feedback. I do not think this is unique to LJ; I think there are many Cultures of Sadness in modern life. I just happen to be participating in this one with roughly 120 of my closest friends.

Comments

[dpolicar]

Not sure I have a cogent opinion... it seems like a multiply determined kinda thing. I think we live in a subculture where "victim" status is somewhat coveted and success is to some extent something to be atoned for... and of course we live in a culture where sex is something furtive, to be apologized for... and where cynicism and an expectation of limitative results is sufficiently widespread that being dismissive of something is the best way to convey an image of sophistication. I'm not sure if our attitude towards joy, success, and sex can really be lumped together into one thing, rather than several... then again, it's possible that they're all symptomatic of a common thread. I really don't know.

[drwex]

Nod. I agree with your general summary and I am also poking around the question of whether there's a single cultural or psychological thread.

[dpolicar]

One thing that occurs to me is that the "liberal left" subcultural stereotype is both sex-affirming and success-damning by contrast to the "conservative right." If the stereotypes reflect anything real, that might be an indication of several things rather than one... that is, if sex-damning and success-damning were both expressions of the same cultural force one might expect them to vary together.

[drwex]

I think "sex affirming" is slightly askew from what I'm thinking about. It's not so much the sex as the unwillingness to express sexuality and the associated emotions. Some of the other comments have gone into the realm of "talking about sexual activities" which isn't what I'm thinking. I'm more trying to think about the expressions of sexual _feeling_ - the emotions, not the actions.

That said, I think I understand what you're getting at, in tying the social practice into a political dynamic.