Looks like you play in the wrong game

[drwex]

So all my gamer friends have linked to 250 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG

Except, here's the thing... most of these are highly apropos of the campaign I run (if you drop out all of those that are specific to non-fantasy games). Herewith a slightly edited version, which will be meaningful mostly to those who've gamed or know about VPM:


3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery. - Glib
5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills. - at least 3/5 of my players
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan. - Yes it is, except for the synchronized part
7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes. - Yes you are (whichever of Maarten's chars had psionics)
8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook. - Yes it is (Earl)
12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer. - Damson
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A. - the whole party
22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino. - Glib
24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales. - Juniper
26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin. - Taegyra (of Sunnydale)
28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip. - Laisha
31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time. - Oh yes it is!
32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over. - Damson (or was that one of DJ's other chars?)
33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking' - Krunk
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepid mansion from the outside. - Phil
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first. - Phil
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf. - Cordan
63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please. - Juniper AND Damson
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick. - why the heck not?
74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live" - Muriel
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps" - Muriel
76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating. - Liloo
81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon. - Glib
82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste. - Gabar
84. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull crossbow. - Nor a cart to mount it on!
86. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the -10 penalty for a successful called shot. - Earl
87. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana. - Breoden
104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword, +5 against party members. - True, we mostly use bows against party members
117. I am restricted to memorizing Floating Disc only once per day. - I forget which of DJ's characters did this
122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal. - What was Brian's paladin's name?
138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it. - oh please. This rule would bring our entire campaign to a screeching halt
188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf. - err, why not?
229. Not allowed to spontaniously check if the elf can take a punch. - Cordan

Comments

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

The floating disks were Morgan and Brian's paladin was Vespertine. The 220lb pull bow is Liloo and it's not a crossbow it's a composite strength longbow. The ceremonial whoopass stick would have been Rory's shillelagh. The backup trap handler had usually been Liloo because of her attitude about checking for traps being to just kick the door in or bash the lock and open the damn box.

[punk-rock-nerd.livejournal.com]

I've started going through things I'm not allowed to do. This worries me a lot.

1. My priest will not sleep in the same room as any mystical artefacts. Especially not if it is warm to the touch.
2. Not even if the DM has said it’s about the size of a five year old
3. I will not play priests in Call of Cthulhu.
4. I will not play priests. Ever.
5. My character must be in contact with the party at all times, on pain of death.
6. No matter what the situation, if I’m grinning at the start of a session, the party will kill me.
7. I will not play a Ravnos pretending to be a Nosferatu, pretending to be a Ravnos pretending to be a Nosferatu. (Not done by me. However, the GM told us about this, then looked at me and said "NO.")
8. The DM will have a copy of my character sheet at all times
9. I will not write “Me” in the Played by section of my character sheets.
10. Nor will I write it on everyone’s character sheet
11. I am hereby forbidden to say the words "Coconut Monkey" in a bad Indian accent.
12. I am also forbidden to play any character from India, Pakistan or the Middle East.
13. I cannot get my hands on a bowel disruptor.
14. There is no "Prolapse" setting on a taser.
15. Fellating myself with my enemy's decapitated head always causes a humanity check.
16. Gnomes are no longer allowed to be my Ranger's favoured enemies.
17. Nor are they automatically evil. Besides, genocide is against my Paladin's code.
18. If a demon offers to show the way out of a building burning, I cannot sell Terry's soul in exchange.
19. Especially if I know it's going to point at the doorway, which is on fire.
20. Not allowed to sell Terry's soul. Especially if he isn't playing.

There's more, but I'd have to sit down and go through all my notes.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Why are they all meeee?

I have to admit - I saw the full list a while ago and I've not posted a link to it largely because I'm using it as a checklist...

And, technically, a 10th level Druid with the right feats can have 100 squirrels as Animal Companions. Or birds, with which to turn the sky black. I'm definitely saving that one for later.

And, like PRN, I feel as though I should make one of these lists for me.

[punk-rock-nerd.livejournal.com]

It disturbs me that my username can be abbreviated to 'Porn', more or less.

It worries me that I've only just noticed this.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

On the upside, you didn't spell it punk_r0ck_nerd, or pr0n...

[punk-rock-nerd.livejournal.com]

Apparently, my brain WAS working that day.

But it woulda been funny to be forever known as the Pr0n.on Livejournal.

tee hee

[heinleinfan.livejournal.com]

I put the list on metaquotes. Some funny comments ensued. Especially the request for "Epic Feat: Throw Rabid Weasels and Run".



http://www.livejournal.com/community/metaquotes/3687953.html#cutid1

Re: tee hee

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

OMG that would so be DJ's character. He used to use his weasel familiar to deliver healing spells and would throw him into combat at the people who needed healing.

Re: tee hee

[drwex]

Right, which was subtly different from you throwing badgers...

Re: tee hee

[sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com]

It is very different. And i didn't *throw* the badger, I summoned it, next to the werebear to distract it.

'allo

[dlusionlvr.livejournal.com]

*poke poke* Can I friend you? I must remain somewhat anonymous at this point because the post is public and because of student/privacy issues I don't post my name in any way linked to my journal unless it's locked inside.
-A

Re: 'allo

[drwex]

Yes, certainly