Today's Think Piece

[drwex]

What are your rules for living?

(By this I mean things that don't get taught in conventional schooling. I'm not talking about the obvious like "don't walk out in the street in front of moving cars.")

Comments

[catya.livejournal.com]

Live intentionally
Be honest
No shame
Perspective

[drwex]

"Perspective" as a rule?

[catya.livejournal.com]

Reading down your other responses "Be good to my partners, Be good to my kid" should maybe be on that list, but those seem totally obvious. Maybe "Be good to people" is less obvious, by which I mean "Be good to people i'm not obligated to be good to"?

[ariesd.livejournal.com]

(By this I mean things that don't get taught in conventional schooling. I'm not talking about the obvious like "don't walk out in the street in front of moving cars.")

What, wait, um, dude, I work in Boston, I walk out in the street in front of moving cars everyday!
---
Try not to go to bed mad.
Try to wake up happy.
---

[drwex]

Try not to go to bed mad.

I'm glad this works for you. In my past relationship with someone who had this rule it didn't work out well for me.

[keyne.livejournal.com]

http://www.unchi.org/~elle/goals/unifying-principles.html

[drwex]

Interesting that you have them organized and update them. Thanks for sharing.

[louiseroho.livejournal.com]

Things my mother taught me

Never give up a chance to go to the bathroom
Where one is the other cannot be far behind
Leave it alone. Don't touch.
Talk to strangers
Be picky
Toot your own horn
"If it hurts too much, just let go" - what she said to my father 20 minutes before he died

[mizarchivist]

responsibility for your actions
learn from your mistakes
live in this lifetime
face your fears
karma works. Even if you don't get to see it.

[drwex]

Hmm, that last one sounds suspiciously familiar *grin*

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

Be loyal to the ones you love
Be honest
Try to understand your boundaries
Don't be afraid to ask for help
Try not to go to bed angry
When the chips are down, just keep moving, it will work itself out eventually.

[taura-g.livejournal.com]

These are things I try very hard to live by, but I'll be the first to admit I don't always succeed.

[tigira.livejournal.com]

Everybody has their "rules," give them a chance.
Never pass up a chance to say, "I love you."
If you have a chance to see someone you love, take it. It may be your last chance. (It was for me with my dad, and my mom with hers)
Flowers are sweet, but it doesn't matter if it's a single daisy, or 10 dozen long stem roses.
For the children in your life (yours or others), go to as many plays, recitals, etc as you can. They won't forget - and it means the world to them.
Don't expect that other people live by the same rules that you do.
Be willing to teach what you know, but don't force it on anyone.

[quietann.livejournal.com]

a lot of what people have already said applies to me also. But here's one that has been on my mind a lot recently:

Not everyone is as smart as you are. This doesn't mean that they are stupid.

[fenicedautun.livejournal.com]

The goal is to be happy. Everything else is a byproduct or a means (I work for a bank and reminding myself of the goal is useful)

to paraphrase Bujold (which is the first place I saw this): If you take an action, you must be willing to accept the consequences. as a corrolary, if you wish the consequences, you must be willing to take the action. (I mostly use this to remind myself to think all the way through my actions, or all the way back from my desired consequence before making a decision.)

[drwex]

If I only had the skill foresee all the consequences of my actions...

(I'd probably still be stuck in analysis paralysis. But I'm glad it works for you.)

[ariesd.livejournal.com]

In a geeky sort of way now I have Tim Rice lyrics running through my head.

-Florence
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own

Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart, use your head

Never take a stranger's advice
Never let a friend fool you twice

Never leave a moment too soon
Never waste a hot afternoon

Never stay a minute too long
Don't forget the best will go wrong

Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive

Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love when you can
Nobody's on nobody's side

(couldn't resist)

[dpolicar]

I really love this song, though I think the advice is more self-protective than actually helpful.

[dpolicar]

I keep meaning to write down a bunch of these, and I never do.
Here's a handful that come to mind now:

Acknowledge accountability
Ask questions, even stupid ones
Choose my battles
Don't let the fact that I don't always follow my rules prevent me from having them
Don't take it personally
Help without fuss
When choosing whether to believe an untestable proposition, give significant weight to the psychological effect of believing it
When dealing with others, try to understand what the world looks like from their perspective

A few more, now that I'm thinking about it

[dpolicar]

Pay attention to what I put in my mouth
Let go of grudges
Forgive mistakes, especially my own
When indulging myself, make sure to enjoy it
Always move forward... even when it involves turning around

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

• You don't need french fries with everything.
  
• You don't always need an appetizer.
  
• Life is too short for cheap chocolate.
  
• Stay away from the snack machine.
  
• Always wear your glasses when vacuuming.
  
• Take the car in for service every 3,000 miles.
  
• Get checked by the doc several times a year.
  
• You don't have time to make everyone happy.
  
• The truth is easier to remember.
  
• Skip unnecessary arguments.
  

(More if I think of them.)

[drwex]

Concerned with eating, these days? Or are these analogies for other things?

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Try not to be an asshole.
Be excellent to each other.
Love fiercely.
The rest is commentary. :)

[awfief.livejournal.com]

I'm amused that both #1 and #2 made the list. I know that #1 doesn't include #2, but.... :)

[ceo]

There is beauty and goodness in every human being (sometimes you do have to look kind of hard for it, though).

[drwex]

I used to believe this, but when I got older and more cynical I stopped believing it.

[unseelie.livejournal.com]

"Keep Perspective and act from that space" ?
keep today's events in perspective relative to the rest of my life.


"Be good to my partners, Be good to my kid"
"Be good to people i'm not obligated to be good to"?

Try not to go to bed mad.
Try to wake up happy.
"We've never gone to bed mad at each other... but we've stayed up all night mad at each other once or twice."

"i've never considered divorce. murder, sometimes, but never divorce."


Never give up a chance to go to the bathroom
Where one is the other cannot be far behind
Leave it alone. Don't touch.
Talk to strangers
Be picky
Toot your own horn
"If it hurts too much, just let go" - what she said to my father 20 minutes before he died

responsibility for your actions
learn from your mistakes
live in this lifetime
face your fears
karma works. Even if you don't get to see it.

Be loyal to the ones you love
Be honest
Try to understand your boundaries
Don't be afraid to ask for help
Try not to go to bed angry
When the chips are down, just keep moving, it will work itself out eventually.

add Tolerance. I try to practice tolerance in all things.

Everybody has their "rules," give them a chance.
Never pass up a chance to say, "I love you."
If you have a chance to see someone you love, take it. It may be your last chance. (It was for me with my dad, and my mom with hers)
Flowers are sweet, but it doesn't matter if it's a single daisy, or 10 dozen long stem roses.
For the children in your life (yours or others), go to as many plays, recitals, etc as you can. They won't forget - and it means the world to them.
Don't expect that other people live by the same rules that you do.
Be willing to teach what you know, but don't force it on anyone.

Not everyone is as smart as you are. This doesn't mean that they are stupid.

The goal is to be happy. Everything else is a byproduct or a means

If you take an action, you must be willing to accept the consequences.
as a corrolary, if you wish the consequences, you must be willing to take the action.
(I mostly use this to remind myself to think all the way through my actions, or all the way back from my desired consequence before making a decision.)


-Florence
Better learn to go it alone
Recognize you're out on your own

Never stay too long in your bed
Never lose your heart, use your head

Never take a stranger's advice
Never let a friend fool you twice

Never leave a moment too soon
Never waste a hot afternoon

Never stay a minute too long
Don't forget the best will go wrong

Never be the first to believe
Never be the last to deceive

Never make a promise or plan
Take a little love when you can
Nobody's on nobody's side


Acknowledge accountability
Ask questions, even stupid ones
Choose my battles
Don't let the fact that I don't always follow my rules prevent me from having them
Don't take it personally
Help without fuss
When choosing whether to believe an untestable proposition, give significant weight to the psychological effect of believing it
When dealing with others, try to understand what the world looks like from their perspective
Pay attention to what I put in my mouth
Let go of grudges
Forgive mistakes, especially my own
When indulging myself, make sure to enjoy it
Always move forward... even when it involves turning around
take symbolism seriously
Make a quiet space to sit in every day
Exercise regularly
Rest when sick
Play
I like the idea of taking symbolism seriously. I tend to formulate this more narrowly as "Names have power."

When choosing whether to believe an untestable proposition, give significant weight to the psychological effect of believing it.


* You don't need french fries with everything.
* You don't always need an appetizer.
* Life is too short for cheap chocolate.
* Stay away from the snack machine.
* Always wear your glasses when vacuuming.
* Take the car in for service every 3,000 miles.
* Get checked by the doc several times a year.
* You don't have time to make everyone happy.
* The truth is easier to remember.
* Skip unnecessary arguments.

Try not to be an asshole.
Be excellent to each other.
Love fiercely.
The rest is commentary. :)

There is beauty and goodness in every human being (sometimes you do have to look kind of hard for it, though).

[drwex]

OK, I've failed my save vs Confusion.

[marmota.livejournal.com]

I don't have a set short list, but here's a few that pop readily to mind, which in a Jungian sense means they're probably important.

Mindfulness. Life is in the details. (or, as a gamer friend of mine who I won't out recently put it, ADD Buddhists ftw!)

Everyone is important, treat them that way... especially if they don't know something you do, as it likely means they know something you don't.

Never impose on others for something I can do/provide myself.
Always help others who can't do/provide something for themselves.
(I've become much less strident about these as I get older; the first makes me a bit too isolated, and the latter has been a painful lesson on the nature of finite resources in addressing the spectrum between selflessness and selfishness).

and two via Ursula Vernon:

Always double-check your math when there are explosives involved.
Don't eat anything that talks.

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Having read other replies, while I like "Chess", "Nobody's Side" has always made me grit my teeth. Everyone is on everyone's side.
Eugene Debs put it best; “While there is a lower class I am in it; while there is a criminal element I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free”.

Oh, and another one just came to mind. Happiness is a selfish path. Comfort is a dead end. Stay hungry, stay sharp, keep moving, keep growing.

[heinleinfan.livejournal.com]

Don't be a doormat.
Don't try to like people "everyone else does" when I know I don't like them.
Give everyone a second chance, but never a third.
Always try a new food at least twice. (The first time it could have just been prepared badly.)
Don't talk about religion to 99% of the people I've met through David.

Things I'm *working on* to be rules for living:

Talk about little things before they build into big things.
Step away from debates when I start blushing or talking too fast.
Let things go.
Trust people.
Don't give up on ideas when people are being asshats about them.

[awfief.livejournal.com]

Mostly, mine is "think, in the attempt to understand, and act accordingly."

I haven't quite phrased it that way before. I make a lot of conscious decisions that may not appear to be such from an outside perspective. But so long as they're conscious decisions, that's a good thing.

When someone acts a certain way, I try to figure out where they're coming from. I can do this surprisingly well, see multiple sides of an issue; I think part of me is a contrarian in the sense that I can understand and debate many sides of an issue.

Logic isn't related to facts, it's logic. Much of the time, disagreements aren't about the logic, they're about the facts. "Sure, if I start with that assumption, I'd feel the same way you do," comes up a lot.

So when someone upsets or annoys me I try to look at their side, their facts, and see the "track" of thinking they're on. I can't always derail it, but it means I can understand them and don't hate THEM, just their thoughts...or something.

[gardenfey.livejournal.com]

Pay attention.
Love a lot.

[frobzwiththingz.livejournal.com]

Rule 0: It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
Rule 1: Don't kill your host! (very important in light of Rule 0)
Rule 2: It's not magic.
Rule 2a: Even when it looks like magic, it's *not* magic.
Rule 3: When someone asks if you are a god, you say "Yes".

[drwex]

Do you get asked about godhood often? Or is this a more general rule than I'm realizing?

[kimberlogic.livejournal.com]

Breathe. It helps pretty much everything.

Love. Truly, madly, deeply.

Keep my heart open to all things, people and possibilities.

Honor what is right for me, honor my own truth and experience.

Be excellent to each other and the tangent: let go of r'ships and entanglements that aren't mutual, respectful.

Take responsibility for your actions.

Don't just apologize - make an effort to atone.

Hug as though each person is a treasure in your life.

Kiss with passion.

Key Lime Juice is just wrong. Use fresh limes. Accept no substitutes.

Acknowledge the magic you find in the world, a moment, a person, etc.

Travel. Explore.

Nourish yourself - body, mind, heart, spirit.

Laugh. A lot.

Use all your senses.

Say NO to some things - especially mushy bananas and sloppy cunnilingus.

The WTF rule - when you see bullshit (or shenanigans), call it.

Remember where you put your glasses.

Always wear sunscreen if you're swimming/sunbathing in Australia.

Being open and kind doesn't have to include endlessly taking shit from other people.

Look both ways plus up and down :)
Fantasize about stabbing people with plastic forks if it helps you work through upsets/hurt/anger. Stabbity, stabbity.

Help others. Those you know and those you don't.

Keep those old pictures and letters.

Face your fears, don't let them rule you (said that when I was 4, according to my dad, but it took me a lot longer to start living it)

Take part in democracy.

Try to care less about what others think, about the rumor mill and the gossipmongers. Know your own truth and say "fuck it" about anyone that tries to put forth a version of your life or you that isn't your own.

Be thankful. Wake up and always be glad that you did.

Stand up for your rights/Keep shining your light/Show the world your smile

[drwex]

Thank you, that reminded me of one I left off my own list.

especially mushy bananas and sloppy cunnilingus.

OK, that feels like a quote of some sort. Origin?